Thursday, December 18, 2014

There is No Such Beauty as Where You Belong

For many years my favorite choral piece has been "The Road Home" by Stephen Paulus (who, unfortunately, passed way earlier this year).  I have had the opportunity to sing it in choirs in multiple venues, and it always speaks to my heart.

Tell me, where is the road
I can call my own,
That I left, that I lost
So long ago?
All these years I have wandered,
Oh when will I know
There’s a way, there’s a road
That will lead me home?

After wind, after rain,

When the dark is done,
As I wake from a dream
In the gold of day,
Through the air there’s a calling
From far away,
There’s a voice I can hear
That will lead me home.

Rise up, follow me,

Come away, is the call,
With the love in your heart
As the only song;
There is no such beauty
As where you belong;
Rise up, follow me,
I will lead you home.

From the point of view of a young man experiencing same-sex attraction, it has been very difficult to find a place where I belong, where I feel that I fit in or have a place.  It seemed that when I was young and unafraid I was on the right track, before abuse or puberty or whatever lead to the development of these attractions.  

Now that I'm older, Satan continually tries to convince me that I am lost, that I'm worthless because I don't necessarily fit the Mormon mold and I don't engage in homosexual behavior.  Life used to be so simple (I'm sure that most people can identify with that idea), but now I'm expected by our culture to get married (to a woman) or else I'm not following the guidelines of the Gospel.

However, I do hear the call of my Savior over the tumultuous noise of the world and the voices therein.  I'm trying to follow His voice by keeping His commandments with love.  The denouement of Paulus's song "The Road Home" testifies to my heart that Christ wants me to live with Him in the next life, and that the confusion of being lost will be swallowed up in the sense of belonging I will experience on that glorious day.  

In the mean time, I'm still trying to find my way.  I'm still seeking my niche in the Plan of Salvation.  But while I'm still trying to straighten some things out (no pun intended), I know that He is calling.

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