Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Hope in the Proclamation


When I came home from my mission, I resumed my efforts to find resources for Mormons experiencing same-sex attraction. Prior to leaving for the mission field, I had discovered Ty Mansfield through his book, In Quiet Desperation. I found great hope in him because he was an example of someone "making it work," a Mormon staying true to his/her covenants while experiencing same-sex attraction. While I was serving my mission, my counselor showed me Ty's new book, Voices of Hope, which gave me an explosion of confidence because it was a compilation of many gay Mormon's testimonies and commitments to the Gospel. The week I returned home I discovered LdsVoicesOfHope.org, an extension of the book I was shown on my mission. This again provided me with a deep hope that I would similarly have the tenacity to remain faithful to my covenants in the face of a tidal wave of desire towards other men.



The following year was one of discovery as I explored different groups and met hundreds of LGBT individuals, both in and out of church activity. I quickly learned that not everyone was worthy of trust, while others with dark pasts had overcome incredible obstacles to reunite themselves again with Christ. I grew attached to many people with similar struggles to me, putting some on pedestals because of their dedication to the Gospel.

Because I idolized these individuals, I was heartbroken when some gave up the fight, leaving the safety of the Gospel to embrace a lifestyle of homosexual relations. To see their countenances change as the light of the Spirit seemed to leave their eyes to be replaced by a spirit of bitterness and cynicism shook my faith in my own abilities to stay true.



However, a commitment I made to myself when I first joined North Star has given me valuable steadiness in the face of desertion. I decided that if Ty Mansfield himself, the poster-child of a mixed-orientation marriage "success story" chose to leave his wife and faith in pursuit of a homosexual relationship that I would remain dedicated to my covenants and my Savior. My testimony is not of Ty Mansfield, and it's not of North Star International. My faith is in the Messiah, Jesus Christ.



Howard W. Hunter explained this choice best when he taught that “If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right."

One of the ways we can center our lives on Christ is to live by the Family Proclamation. Among LGBT members of the Church, this can be quite a sensitive subject. When it was first published, many Mormons saw it as nice but redundant. Little could they know that within two decades cultures worldwide would experience a dramatic shift in attitudes of sexuality and gender identity. The Church itself has altered its tone to be more inclusive to those in the LGBT community, explicitly addressing their pain in an official website.



If you look at the proclamation through the glasses of the world, you may find its wording to be old fashioned. The use of the word "gender" instead of "sex" is a little confusing. The discussion of gender roles offend some people as does the claim that "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother."

However, it's all true. I find it significant that none of the words have been changed since its publication, and there's power when you hold truth in your hand. God has given us this power to stand against the world's broad brushstroke definitions of what love and family truly mean. When irresponsible generalizations on the impossibility of successful mixed-orientation marriages are made, we can rest assured that the Lord is by far the best marriage therapist.

The Proclamation supersedes stereotypes that might otherwise confuse and mislead people on the roles of men and women. Men and women are preeminently equal kneeling before God. It's important to recognize that "equal" does not always mean "identical." You may notice that the Proclamation gives definitions of doctrine and principles, yet refrains from listing how to put these elements into practice. This is because we need the Spirit and council with loved ones to carry out the doctrines surrounding the family.

Rather than one gender having complete say in a field, like child-rearing or bread winning, God asks one gender to take the lead. However, the job needs to get done and each spouse needs to give 100% of themselves to the cause. Obviously, there's room for overlap as spouses support each other. For example, when a woman carries a child for nine months, is that not a protective role?

Both sexes were introduced to us in the Garden of Eden, wherein there were two prominent trees: The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and the Tree of Life. These trees represented eternal gates, one ushering in the beginning of the mortal phase of salvation, the other leading to the progression of exaltation. Eve chose to partake of the fruit of the first tree, thus bringing about the Fall of Man and introducing pain, sickness, and death into the world. However, this was, as we well know, was the best thing she could have done! Women today similarly and quite literally embody the gate leading God's children into mortality and grant them the ability to gain the earthly experience necessary for godly development. Balancing this are men, who hold priesthood keys and offices which, when administered and cared for in a godly manner, open the gate of the Tree of Life and grant access to exaltation. Such a sacred relationship between these two gatekeepers is obviously crucial to God's plan, hence marriage in God's eyes is to be between a man and a woman.



We know that there was a Plan of Salvation set forth before the foundations of the world were formed. How we carry our lives resembles a logistical road map as we trek toward our destination, the Celestial Kingdom. Often members of the Church get tangled in the explanation of the road map in our discussions with members of the LGBT community when its more helpful to understand the Plan and the destination.

In the orchestration of the Plan, gender was clearly essential to the creation. We had gained unique gifts and learned talents as gendered spirits during our pre-mortal development. The Lord knew that the family would provide the ideal structure, security, and education for heavenly children to enter mortality. This is why He asks us to trust Him and in His institutional definition of marriage.

Is it difficult to live by the Proclamation to the Family? I believe that for many people it is. One thing that Voices of Hope has taught me is that "success stories" of people overcoming incredible obstacles are a double-edged sword. We need to remember that these stories should be used to uplift, inspire, and share hope, rather than to be wielded as a club to beat strugglers down in shame.

I often have questions and worries concerning how my family is going to look like, but I find strength and hope that Christ's plan is where ultimate happiness can be attained. His ways are higher than mine. Hope is an invaluable gift that is often overlooked thanks to our society's diluted definition of it. Too often it's seen as a whimsical wish rather than a deep and abiding motivation and trust in the Plan.

Not everyone's happy-ever-after will come in the timeline they'd prefer, but when we live the Gospel of Jesus Christ and embody the family He orchestrates, those happily-ever-afters will come.

7 comments:

  1. Thank you for your encouraging words that are extremely relevant and useful to both gay and straight, all of us struggling and yet determined to hang on. You are just who I needed this morning! Hugs to you.

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  2. The Family Proclamation was how I found peace on the Church’s doctrine AND stance on marriage. It just makes sense to me. Whether God decides to change His mind in the future or not, I feel like I understand why this document is so firm and why they say it won’t change. There have been times where even if I were in a same-sex relationship, I still would feel that children are entitled to a married mother and father and marriage has always been tied to that kind of union. This might be a little prideful of me, but I feel like it’s kind of a big deal that gay people would have testimonies of the Proclamation to the World.

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  3. This is powerful and encouraging to all in this crazy world. Thanks!

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  4. Hi, Tristan. I am not LDS, but I am a Christian living victoriously through the grace of the Savior. I appreciate your determination. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Have you ever seen Cec Murphy's blog Men Shattering the Silence? He published something I wrote on there. It is entitles "A Number" and was posted in two parts around Christmas and New Years.

    Blessings to you, brother.

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  5. Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing!

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  6. Thank you for your faith and your example!! Seriously. Wow! And you have a way with words btw. That was very encouraging. IG latterday.warrior

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